True nobility is not birth, but upbringing.

see a short story:

A parent goes to his child's school and pays special attention to the observation. He holds the door for the pupils behind and finds that there is no one who does not say "thank you".

No matter in front of the school or the store, few people go in and slam the door and walk away.

in fact, in real life, such people abound.

hold the door for the person walking behind. Although it is only a detail, it shows a person's upbringing of convenience and comfort to others.

I have heard such a sentence:

upbringing is not pretending in front of people, nor can it be performed after learning etiquette lessons, it is a natural expression of a person's inner quality.

to show upbringing is to show the appearance of a person's soul.

it is difficult to really understand a person from the surface, but we can see a person's character and sincerity from the details of life.

because upbringing is something that details cannot hide.

01

author Nan Shan talked about his personal experience.

one year, he went to Xi'an for business training and shared a room with a middle-aged man named Ruan Qing.

during the conversation, he learned that Ruan Qing was a heavy smoker in writing materials at work all the year round, and it was common for him to smoke one or two packs a day.

but when they lived in the same room, Ruan Qing never smoked. He said to Nanshan:

that's it. When he became addicted to smoking, he went downstairs and smoked a few cigarettes in the yard.

on the day I left, Nanshan had to leave late because of an assignment.

Ruan Qing cleaned her bed as she did when she first checked in, and her slippers, chairs and table supplies were neatly arranged. The earnestness moved Nanshan very much.

although he and Ruan Qing have only been together for more than ten days, they left a deep impression on him and felt that there was a noble temperament on the other side.

the two have been in touch ever since.

what is parenting?

some people say that upbringing is a kind of cultural and moral cultivation.

some people say that education is a virtue accumulated in the practice of life from the inside out.

some people say that upbringing is self-cultivation rooted in the heart, self-consciousness without reminding, freedom based on constraints, and kindness for the sake of others.

in fact, upbringing is not classy, to put it bluntly: there are others in the heart.

do not let others smoke secondhand smoke, consciously make the bed, these are only inconspicuous details, but it reflects Ruan Qing's upbringing of being considerate of others and paying attention to considering problems from the perspective of convenience for others.

people who only think about themselves, no matter what kind of education they have, they are still uneducated.

A cultured person knows how to think of others, has a good heart, and never causes unnecessary trouble to others.

as the American writer Mark Twain said:

upbringing is not methodology, but life itself, which is contained in every detail of life.

in interpersonal communication, if everyone knows how to put himself in the shoes of others in the details, it will reduce some troubles and inconvenience to other people's life and work, and your charm will be deeply planted in other people's hearts.

02

etiquette expert Kim Jong Kun once said:

many times, details can help us to better understand a person.

for example, eat.

A colleague in the autumn of netizens, the only child in the family, was spoiled from an early age and was self-centered in everything.

once at a dinner party, he rushed to order, most of which he liked, regardless of other people's tastes.

he likes to eat raw garlic and spicy food. As a result, there are more than ten plates of garlic and chili on the table.

several of their male colleagues could accept it reluctantly, but one female colleague had a bad stomach and dared not eat spicy food. She walked around the table with chopsticks at a loss.

finally, the manager had to ask the waiter to add two plates of stir-fried vegetables, and the female colleague had a little food.

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and he didn't seem to realize what was wrong with him, and from the opening to the closing of the table, he was immersed in eating and drinking.

this often happens when we have been together for a long time. At first everyone could tolerate it, but gradually they didn't like to talk to him.

whenever he goes out for a party, his colleagues don't want to be with him, so he goes out on his own.

I quite agree with the saying:

A small table can often see a person's true character.

educated people will not only consider their own tastes when ordering, but also other people's eating habits.

educated people will not always turn their favorite dishes to their own side, will not tumble back and forth on the plate, and will not tut when they eat.

educated people will not stand high in front of the waiter, shouting and bossing around.

well-bred men don't just talk to themselves and tell indecent jokes to the ladies present.

British writer Boyce said:

what really determines a person's level is not his material wealth and nobility in identity, but his upbringing.

the real upbringing is not for others, but for self-restraint at any time and place.

03

after my friend's daughter went to work out of town, she shared an apartment with a young lady from the company next door.

the landlord opened a small supermarket downstairs. They often went shopping in his store and they got along very well.

one weekend, they went shopping and happened to have an activity in a big supermarket, so they bought a lot of goods.

when she arrived at the door of the neighborhood, the little sister suddenly said to herLet's go through the west gate. When my friend's daughter was unknown, the little sister explained:

"you see, walking in here and passing the landlord's supermarket for a while, he was so embarrassed to see the big and small bags we carried.

We are used to shopping in the landlord's shop, and even if we suddenly stop buying from him, he will feel uncomfortable and may come up with a lot of ideas.

instead of being embarrassed by everyone's face and avoiding the embarrassment of shopping next time, it's better not to let him see and know. "

the daughter of a friend suddenly realized that she could not help giving a thumbs up to the little sister's behavior.

my friend said that her daughter has always been a careless person, and she has benefited a lot from the little sister's upbringing in details. He is relieved that his daughter makes friends with such a person.

some people say:

"how far a person can go depends on who he goes with;

how good a person is depends on who he guides;

how successful a person is depends on who he is with."

it really matters who you are with.

people who are really smart will choose to be with educated people.

cultured people do not act or show off, but know how to consider and deal with problems from each other's point of view, always avoiding embarrassment and making each other comfortable in details.

interact with educated people, feel at ease, do not have to worry about being calculated, vilified, not only easy to get along with, but also imperceptibly learn how to deal with the world.

when a person can't help but use his upbringing to influence others, this is probably the most charming time.

04

Chekhov said:

"in a man, wisdom and upbringing are the most important. Whether he is beautiful or not is nothing to him."

if you have no upbringing and wisdom in your head, you are worthless even if you are a beautiful man. "

upbringing is a silent business card that adds points to one's image in detail.

A few days ago, having tea and chatting with a fellow villager, he talked about the topic of the post-90s generation, saying that a new boy born in 1997 in his department had a good upbringing and was prepared to focus on training.

I asked, he hasn't been here long. Where do you see his upbringing?

he says it's from trifles.

once, a friend came to see him at work, and the boy came to deliver materials, so he went over and poured the guest a cup of tea.

after the boy put the teacup in front of the guest, he didn't go away immediately, but turned the teacup around again so that the handle of the teacup was facing the guest's right hand.

seeing the boy's action, the guest smiled and nodded.

after the boy left, the friend said to the fellow-townsman, "your subordinate is very considerate, as can be seen from the act of bringing me tea."

the handle of the teacup is facing my right hand, so I can hold it up and drink it without having to go around my right hand or knock over the teacup. "

hearing what his friend said, the fellow-townsman smiled and felt that the boy was really very considerate.

later, the fellow-townsman deliberately observed the boy and found that he usually paid attention to details:

for example, in accompanying the leader to the countryside to take the bus, getting up and down the elevator, caring for colleagues, and so on, he behaved naturally and appropriately, showing respect for others in his words and deeds.

the fellow-townsman said with emotion:

I very much agree with this sentence: "Life and death see friendship, and details can be seen in education."

Life is made up of details. People should be known through small things and people should be seen through details.

sometimes, casual reactions and behaviors precisely reflect a person's most authentic upbringing.

bring up people, no matter rich or poor, no matter how humble, because of the details of the upbringing, there is also a kind of admirable light.

Li Ying wrote in the book the value of your upbringing:

Real upbringing never deliberately distinguishes the size of things, let alone the other person's age and status.

Real upbringing is not only the restraint in front of people, but also the self-discipline after people. Every detail of life is a reflection of upbringing.

attach importance to decorating your "second face" and be an educated person.

be considerate of others, be gentle, give people a convenience, convey a warmth, the society we live in will be more beautiful;

and you will be respected and appreciated by more people and go further on the road of life.