The best way to educate a child is to speak well

see a video on Douyin:

when parents don't let boys play games, the boy quarrels with his parents.

the boy mocked himself as an orphan, and his angry curse made him depressed.

under the persuasion and education of the police, he shed tears: "I do not have such parents, they do not understand me, no one communicates with me."

parents who do not know how to communicate will only bring the parent-child relationship to an impasse.

in real life, in most families, parents are not good at considering their children's situation and are used to communicating with their children in a stereotyped and preaching way.

Li Zixun, a famous education expert, once said: to educate a child, the most important thing is to speak to the child's heart, so that the child will be convinced.

good communication is to make children willing to talk, listen and do.

01

Children have nothing to say. They are forced by their parents

to see a question on Zhihu about "what causes children to stop communicating with their parents?" It's a problem.

there is a highly liked reply:

"when I was a child, I didn't have pocket money. Save my change for breakfast every day, save it for a long time, buy a beautiful book I like, and then share it with my mother: do you think my new book looks good?"

my mother's first sentence: where did you get the money?

my mother's second sentence: you have too much money and no place to spend, do you?

"when I was a child, I went shopping with my mother to buy clothes. More than 95% of the time was spent shopping with my mother on her clothes, watching her try it on, waiting for her to bargain."

when buying my clothes, my mother never helps me buy the clothes I want to buy that look good.

my mother would say: this is not pretty. Will say: this color is easy to dirty. Will say: your child has no aesthetic. "

the enthusiasm of the child in every conversation is met by the parents, "you don't?" Why… No! " Such a strong, accusatory tone was extinguished.

the failure to capture the emotional needs behind the child's language has become the biggest obstacle to parent-child communication.

in the recently popular variety show Open Heart Boys, 11-year-old Wang Yuran is addicted to electronics and doesn't want to communicate with his mother.

the mother tried her best and even beat and scolded him, but her son did not change. In desperation, the mother had no choice but to go to the program group for help.

the mother is grumpy and pays little attention to her son's thoughts. every time her son wants to say something to her, she will say to him, "stop it and listen to me."

the son's idea was not answered by his mother. Later, the son would rather watch the electronics alone than have another word with his mother. In

I am an orator, Xiong Hao said:

"many contradictions that could have been handled properly broke out in the end because of some extremely trivial reasons. The most common one is that we love to talk, but we don't want to listen. "

behind every child who doesn't want to communicate, there is a parent who doesn't know how to listen.

know how to listen and give the child a chance to speak in order to understand the true needs of the child.

A good conversation is a bridge that opens each other's hearts.

02

parents who are "friendly"

can be their children's sweethearts

Parental efficacy training Manual tells an example:

in a summer camp, the coach guided the children to do "emotional management to break through the seven hurdles", and a number of children chose "if there is something happy in mind, how to deal with it?"

the children's answer is: "share with your best friend!"

only when parent-child communication is based on good feelings, will children open their hearts to you as they do to their friends.

there is a pair of mother and son around. After junior high school, the son seldom chatted with his mother and shouted to his mother, "you don't understand. I'm so busy that I won't talk to you."

the mother doesn't know what's on her son's mind because he doesn't say anything.

later, the mother found that her son was obsessed with computers, and his schoolbag contained a lot of computer magazines, so the mother deliberately asked her child some computer questions.

as soon as the mother came to ask for advice, the child was interested and felt that the mother was ahead of time, so he chatted happily with his mother.

mothers use common "computer" topics to create opportunities for chat, and gain the favor of their children with the attitude of "asking for advice." from talking about computers to talking about life, they have become good friends.

parents should take the initiative to communicate with their children and make them think that you want to be friends with them.

when children and their parents become friends, they will express their thoughts freely.

in the first issue of Juvenile Shuo, Song Nancy, a girl in the first year of junior high school, is very close to her father.

Dad often grabs fun with her and gossips with her about her mother's clothes, and the two have a good chat.

in the eyes of my mother, she and her father are the two children in the family, so they don't have to have a second child.

Song Nancy also expressed her love to her father on the stage: "Dad, I hope our relationship can go on like this. Can we always be good buddies?"

while most parents are anxious about the "sensitive parent-child relationship" of adolescence, Song Nancy's father has easily become the best friend of his children.

Dad takes the initiative to make friends with his daughter by "playing Lego and gossiping", narrowing the distance between them in speculative topics and humorous chats, and becoming friends who talk about everything.

grasp the children's points of interest and have common topics in order to stimulate the desire of the children to say.

integrate into the child's life and accompany the childOnly by doing interesting things can children trust their parents and speak their minds at ease.

03

Learning to communicate with children

is a compulsory course for parents in their lifetime

recently, I watched a variety show "Super brain Youth Group." among them, a sentence from the contestant Zhu Keru's father resonated with many parents.

Zhu Keru's father complained that his child did not want to communicate with him: "usually I just pick him up for a chat five minutes after school."

when father and son spend less time alone, the two can't talk to each other very much.

after watching this scene, I was deeply impressed. The problem between Zhu Keru and his father is also a painful point of modern parent-child communication.

Why do children communicate less and less with their parents? is it true that children are unwilling to take the initiative to communicate?

maybe as Chen Ming said, "one is because children don't have much time to communicate." Another reason is that children feel that they lack a common topic with their parents, that they do not understand what they have said, and that it is useless to say so. "

how to improve communication with children and promote intimacy between parents and children, you might as well try the following methods:

pay attention to prime time in the evening and take the initiative to chat with your child.

parents attach importance to half an hour before going to bed every day and take the initiative to talk about interesting things with their children.

"son, is there anything interesting happening in your school today?"

"Mom learned an online celebrity snack online, which is very delicious."

cultivate the habit of chatting between children and parents before going to bed, so as to deepen children's feelings for their parents and promote communication between parents and children.

A warm room, close physical contact and relaxed topics can make children feel the care and love of their parents.

pay attention to the child's mood and listen to the child's "mind".

when the child comes home unhappy, he tells his parents, "my deskmate won't play with me today."

at this time, we must pay attention to the child's emotions, actively listen to the child's heart, and empathize with the child's feelings.

for a child, his good friend does not play with him, he loses playing games today, or even comes home a little late, although these may be trivial things for parents, but for children, it may be a big deal.

attach importance to the "little things" in the child's heart, bend over and listen to the child's inner thoughts, take the initiative to share the frequency with the child, and become the confidant that the child is willing to talk to.

replace the tone of inquiry with the tone of command, and replace the superior posture with appreciation of the child.

in the evening, the mother supervised the child to do his homework, and the next day there was an exam, but the mother opened the door and found him drawing.

When you choose poofy wedding dresses, it will make your look glittering and amazing. Allow to be served with the coolest tastes available.

Mother gently asked, "Honey, there is a final exam tomorrow, so what are your plans for tonight?"

A sentence causes the child to think rather than ask.

in a child's study, asking him in a high profile and being reasonable to him will make the child more and more depressed.

to change the way of expression, it is more important to be a mother who says everything, so that the child has no scruples and speaks freely.

express your feelings to your child and learn to show weakness to your child.

on weekends, the mother wants to urge her son to sleep and see her son playing Lego.

Mom said: baby, Mom is very tired today. She sleeps after playing for 10 minutes. "

if the child refuses, the mother expresses again: mother is not feeling well today and needs a good rest, you should also go to bed early, otherwise your mother will have a pain in her eyes tomorrow, and you can't get up early to do your homework.

after children understand their mother's thoughts, they will certainly understand their mother and will happily go to bed at the appointed time.

in many cases, express your true feelings to the child in order to get the child's understanding better.

there are no children who don't speak, only parents who can't communicate.

changing the inherent way of thinking and abandoning the usual way of speaking is the beginning of good communication.

04

the German philosopher Jaspers said: "True education is one tree to shake another tree, one cloud to push another cloud, one soul to awaken another soul."

passive communication will only make children less and less want to talk.

if you want children to truly express their needs, it is necessary to give them a "loving" language environment, so that the feelings of children and parents are closely linked.

A good way of communication not only opens the child's heart, but also opens the best starting point of the child's life. From then on, he is optimistic and positive.