The best relationship is not to blame when something happens.

Russian writer Leo Tolstoy said:

Marriage is especially true.

praise is the lubricant of a happy marriage. Your attitude towards your partner hides the temperature of your life and the concentration of happiness.

with more recognition and affirmation, the marriage can be less quarrelling and more happy.

because good friends are all boasts.

01

use praise instead of blame

my husband and I are office workers, usually we assign housework, he is responsible for mopping the floor and buying vegetables, and I cook and wash clothes.

but every time he mops the floor, he always ignores the nooks and crannies, and I am a detail-oriented person, so I blame him for not mopping up every time.

when he came and went, he simply quit, saying, "it's not clean anyway, so it's better not to procrastinate at all."

buying vegetables is even more "thunderstorm", either buying stale vegetables or being tricked into being wronged by the seller.

nine times out of ten, all our quarrels are because of these things.

I complained a lot when I had dinner with my sisters at the weekend.

Sister Hua heard this and told her story.

she has been married to her brother-in-law for 20 years, and she has always had a good relationship, and in recent years, her brother-in-law has contracted for housework.

Sister Hua said that her brother-in-law didn't know how to do housework at first, cooking was raw, cooking forgot salt, and stew could burn the soup pot.

but Sister Hua never blames her brother-in-law, and her response is very simple-using praise instead of accusation:

when she forgot to put salt in cooking, she praised him for being light and authentic;

Rice was raw, that is to say, his cooking level was much better than before, and it was amazing;

when washing dishes uncleanly, he praised him for "being able to make money and do housework. I was lucky to find a good husband."

every time I hear these words, my brother-in-law will smile sheepishly, and then he will work harder the next time he does housework.

Sister Hua said:

"my husband doesn't do housework well. If you blame him, he simply doesn't do it and becomes a cashier."

it would be better to praise them more, or at least let them continue to work happily. "

in his wife's loving and tolerant language, Sister Hua's husband has gradually become omnipotent in housework.

this remark has made me feel for a long time.

in real life, we are used to blaming each other, thinking that as long as we point out the problem, the other person will change in the direction we expect, but then forget to look at the problem differently.

tell the other person what you want, not blame. "

what we want is a "life partner" who spends the rest of his life together, not a partner who blames him for getting worse every day.

learn to use praise instead of blame, hide your expectations in your praise, and the other person will develop in the direction we expect.

Rosenthal effect in psychology has proved that

eager expectations and praise can make the expected behavior meet the expected requirements, and even produce miracles.

Smart partners all know how to quietly put their expectations in every compliment, so that the other person can listen comfortably and be willing to become what you like.

02

behind the praise is appreciation and recognition

William James said:

praise is not just a verbal sentence for a partner, but behind it is the recognition and appreciation of the partner.

in an intimate relationship, couples need each other's approval more.

Nobel Prize winner Mo Yan once said that his greatest success is having a happy family.

his wife, du Qinlan, has been with him for 40 years and is the most important person in his life.

in 1987, Mo Yan's work was adapted into the film Red Sorghum. After the film was released, Mo Yan became famous.

many women show their love to Mo Yan, and one of the young girls is particularly persistent and still expresses her love to Mo Yan after being rejected.

the girl said to Mo Yan:

after listening to Mo Yan, she said to her:

in order to prevent admirers from affecting her life, Mo Yan applied for a house from the army and brought his wife to live by her side.

my wife joked that she and Mo Yan were like Jiang Dongxiu and Hu Shi-one with great learning and the other a village woman.

Mo Yan replied:

"you are not easy. You also know Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu.

however, we are different from them. Hu Shi's wife was chosen by his mother, and we fell in love freely. I took a fancy to you at a glance. Without you, I would not be who I am now. "

Mo Yan's words made du Qinlan extremely gratified.

later their daughter asked du Qinlan, "my father is a great writer. Will you feel inferior?"

du Qinlan smiled and said

Sweeten up your modesty in our lace flower girl dresses. Our full range has all figures catered.

"Why should I feel inferior? This family needs him and me.

although I don't go out to work, I do a lot of things, and your father recognizes the importance of me. Why should I feel inferior? "

du Qinlan also joked Mo Yan: "your military medal is half of yours and half of mine."

however, in Mo Yan's eyes, his wife's contribution is much more than that. He says that the wife is the one who supports the family.

she is simple and industrious, hard-working, good at housework and farm work, and keeps the family in good order.

with the approval and favor of her husband, du Qinlan is happy no matter how poor his life is.

her efforts not only made her husband, but also affirmed her own value and promoted the happiness of her marriage.

husband and wife are in love for a long time.

the lack of recognized love will sooner or later be worn away by the feathers of the place where you live. Only couples who appreciate and recognize each other can give each other confidence and motivation to strengthen their relationship over time.

03

learn to praise, marriage can be happy for a long time

I read a short story on the Internet.

Lao Zhang and Lao Wang are both hunters.

one day, they each beat two rabbits home.

Lao Zhang's wife said discontentedly:

Lao Zhang was not very happy when he heard this, and began to complain that his wife did not know that it was so easy to hunt.

the next day, Lao Zhang deliberately came back empty-handed to let his wife know that it was difficult to hit his prey. As a result, the couple quarreled.

Lao Wang's experience was just the opposite. his wife saw that he had brought back two rabbits and said happily:

Lao Wang was filled with joy and wondered what the two were. The next day he beat four rabbits and brought them home.

his wife was so happy that she made him a big dinner. At the dinner table, Lao Wang spoke highly of his wife's cooking.

the couple laugh and laugh, which is extremely sweet.

throughout the two wives, one reaped a capable husband and a happy life with praise, while the other got a more disgruntled husband and a filthy life with blame. It goes without saying which result is better

No one is perfect, everyone yearns for the recognition of others, and couples who live together should encourage and cheer each other up.

there is a saying in the book "lifelong growth":

Don't be a bad critic in marriage.

what partners want most is our appreciation and recognition, which is an important basis for a happy relationship between husband and wife, and can make the marriage full of positive strength.

those who are good at praising their partners always have a win-win situation.

because marriage has never been a battlefield for one person, a happy and long-term marriage requires husband and wife to work together and grow up hand in hand.

04

good friends are all boasted

Mark Twain said:

to learn to praise a partner is to recharge savings for the marriage bank, so that the marriage has enough strength to survive the chicken feathers and laugh at each other.

give your partner more positive recognition and affirmation, see more of each other's strengths and shining points, and praise each other from the bottom of your heart, which is not only an expression of love, but also the best encouragement and motivation for each other.

Life is not easy, but marriage is difficult.

Don't let cold words cool your partner's heart and delay your own happiness.

Stephen. Covey said:

good friends are all praised by you.

encourage each other.