Li Meijin: the biggest problem in educating children is that what should be taken care of, and what should not be managed.

once read such a sentence in a book:

We can always find many problems in our children, but we seldom realize that most of these problems come from parents.

Professor Li Meijin pointed out:

01

eat and dress to raise rich children and mentally poor children

Tolstoy said: "loving children is what old hens do, and the key is how to educate them."

parents always want to give their children the best, prefer to suffer a little bit, but also give their children the best life, and are never willing to treat their children badly in food and clothing.

parents think they have given everything they can to their children, but their children do not feel loved by their parents. The root cause of

lies in that most of the care and care given by parents to their children is in food and clothing, but they pay little attention to their children's spiritual needs.

after the "diving queen" Guo Jingjing married into a wealthy family, she and her husband Huo Qigang repeatedly searched for their children's concept of education.

according to reason, their child is a young man born with a golden spoon, and he cannot be too rich.

but Guo Jingjing will buy clothes for children at roadside stalls, shoes of one or two hundred yuan for children, and take children to eat roadside stalls.

although Guo Jingjing's parents are "stingy" to their children in life, they are never stingy with their children in spirit.

they will take their children to the countryside to plant rice seedlings and experience the hardship of labor and the hard-won food with their children.

they will let their children "work" for themselves, earn pocket money by washing cars, and let them know that what they want depends on their own labor.

it can be said that the hands-on companionship and education of Guo Jingjing and Huo Qigang is the greatest enrichment of their children.

this wealthy couple told us with their own actions that the essence of "rich education" is not to spend a lot of money and clothing, but to teach parents by example.

02

strict control over children's learning and psychological neglect of children

according to survey data, the top five topics that Chinese parents communicate with their children are:

learning (71.8%), school (69.6%), their own interests (35.4%), friends (31.7%) and their future (31.6%)

many topics between parents and children Can never do without learning, as if in addition to learning, and children have nothing to say.

this causes parents to know their children's learning like the back of their hand, knowing clearly which subjects are weak and which knowledge points are not mastered, but they do not know what their children really think.

so parents find that the older their children are, the less willing they are to talk to their parents, or even to be in the same space as their parents.

because children do not want to hear their parents open their mouth to learn and keep their mouth shut, even if they care about their children's health, they will only say, "good health is the capital of learning."

parents can sacrifice everything for their children's grades, but they can't spend hours understanding their children's inner world and listening to their children's hearts.

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because you think the child is so young, what can you think, even if there is, it is useless, it is all at sixes and sevens, why not focus on your study!

the child is not a learning machine, and the meaning of parents to the child is not just to urge the child to learn. When you can only talk to the child about learning, the child closes the door of communication to you.

ignore the spiritual world, ignore the inner growth, ignore the mental health, for children, it is a disaster.

03

take care of everything in life, raising and abandoning children while growing up

but in many families, housework is the business of adults, and children just need to study hard.

however, the result of doing everything instead of doing everything is to cut off the path of child development.

in 1996, a 13-year-old named Wei Yongkang was admitted to the Physics Department of Xiangtan University with a score of 602, which caused a sensation all over the country and was known as the "child prodigy of the East".

he began to read when he was more than 1 year old, mastered more than 1,000 Chinese characters at 2 years old, finished junior high school courses by himself at 4 years old, and skipped to the county key middle school at 8 years old....

after four years of university, Wei Yongkang graduated with the second total score and was admitted to the Institute of High Energy Physics of the Chinese Academy of Sciences.

the turning point occurred when he was 20 years old. Wei Yongkang, 20, was persuaded to return home on the grounds that "the ability to take care of himself was too poor and the knowledge structure did not adapt to the research model of the Chinese Academy of Sciences."

it turns out that the mother, who believes in "everything is inferior, but only studies high", takes care of all the chores of life in order for her son to concentrate on her studies, including washing and cooking, washing her face, taking a bath, squeezing toothpaste, and even having to feed herself in high school.

after entering the Chinese Academy of Sciences, Wei Yongkang suddenly left his mother's care, and his life was out of control: he had no sense of time, was often late for class, could not eat, was always slow, and even kindergarten children could undress on a hot day. He couldn't even get dressed in cold weather, let alone clean the room.

he was completely nurtured by his mother as a "loser" who only knew how to learn.

it was not until Wei Yongkang was persuaded to return to his hometown that his mother realized that

reading is important, but it is more important to cultivate children's ability to take care of themselves from an early age.

the world is very big, and what children need is not only the demonstration and exhortation that we love, but also need them to start the stove of independent survival as soon as possible.

04

raising children when young and controlling children after adulthood

Professor Li Meijin said:

Professor Li also cited such an example:

"an old professor came to me and said that my son asked me for things every day. He is 17 years old, as long as he is not.If you are satisfied, you will stick to the window and say that I will not live, and I will die.

the father said, "come down quickly, and I'll buy it for you tomorrow. Today's mobile phone, tomorrow's computer, acquired games, what MP4, Nike shoes, bicycles, all in all, his father lost his temper, and finally asked me what to do."

I'm too late.

what do you mean late? You have to give it now. Just give it. What if he says he can't afford it? I said, then you go through it, too. "

you don't care if your child is 3-6 years old, even if you want to do so when you grow up.

before the age of 6, the child has the most rapid psychological development, and it is also the key period for the development of children's character and habits. During this period, the values passed on by parents to their children have the most profound and direct impact.

at this stage, parents should plant the seeds of discipline in their children's hearts, so small that they need to apologize for doing something wrong, and the rules they make need to be enforced;

big enough to abide by social rules and adhere to moral and moral agreements.

only when the rules are laid down for the child before the rebellious period, and the child is in awe of his parents, will the child be emotionally willing to accept his parents' education.

then as the child grows older, he gradually learns to let go and let the child make and make decisions on his own, believing that the child has the ability to make choices and decisions.

Children will give their parents the future as much freedom as their parents give their children.

Wisdom parents are relentless when they should be in charge, and let go when they should not.

Life is a school, and parents are the best teachers.

although it is said that education is a regrettable art, education cannot tolerate any mistakes.

if you do something wrong, you can do it all over again, but your child's education cannot.

Children grow up only once, and you can't get it back if you miss it.

to educate children is not to let go and wait for the flowers to bloom, let alone treat them as puppets and control them everywhere.

but to maintain a delicate balance between discipline and letting go, so that children can move towards their own life in the education of love.