Li Meijin: how can a child become a talent if he doesn't let go? Parents should do a good job of "regardless of" and "not used to".

01

recently I saw a piece of news, which is really ironic.

A Mr. Sheng in Hangzhou said he was rear-ended while waiting for a red light, and the police decided that the other side was fully responsible.

the young man who rear-ended got out of the car in a panic. The first time he did not discuss the settlement of claims with Mr. Sheng, nor did he apply for insurance, but actually called his mother for help.

on the other hand, the young man's mother blamed Mr. Sheng on the phone:

Mr. Sheng felt helpless about the mother's behavior. What shocked him even more was that the young man who looked white and plump was already 30 years old.

it was precisely because this mother did not know how to let go that she raised a "giant baby" who was so immature that she could not even deal with daily chores.

just as birds always have to leave the nest to fly higher and higher, the parents' excessive closed shelter is not so much love as a kind of injury.

when talking about the disadvantages of educating children, Li Meijin, a famous educational psychologist, once said:

disciplining children is an art, one more point, one less point, is a completely different result.

the most successful love for parents is not to tie their children around, but to learn to let go in time.

02

behind children

often stand helicopter parents

in the book "Child, give me your hand."

"to cultivate a sense of responsibility for children is to give them a chance to speak on matters that concern them, to let go in time, and to let them make their own choices and responses."

I think so.

parents' love without leaving gaps is a cage made of steel, which restricts children from growing up and prevents them from looking forward to the future.

are the following parents very common in life?

"can't children eat and dress? I'll feed it. I'll wear it. Don't make the baby hungry or cold. "

"is the child's manual homework too difficult? I'll do it, but don't tire the child out! "

"did the child pass by one point? I went to reason with the teacher. An extra point is a point! "

"is the relationship between children and partners tense? I can't do that. I have to talk to my classmates myself! "

parents who surround their children and do everything for their children can be collectively referred to as "helicopter parents".

they take good care of their children, hovering over them like helicopters, and whenever they have problems or troubles, they have to "land" at their side to provide help.

"helicopter parents" excessively interfere with all aspects of their children's life and learning in the name of protection and good for their children, and arbitrarily deprive their children of the opportunity to experience alone.

it is the parents' repeated arrangements and interruptions, which virtually destroy the children's independence, curiosity, and creativity, making them often doubt themselves, lose their self-confidence, think they are difficult to bear, and simply let them go.

once read such a report:

A 16-year-old boy asked his father to buy him a mobile phone, but his father refused because he was short of money at the moment.

the teenager unexpectedly took out a knife and hurt his father. In the end, the child was admitted to juvie because of deliberate abuse, while the father lay on his deathbed.

it turns out that the teenager's family is not actually rich, but the father always leaves the best things to his children, because he can't bear to see his children sad and frustrated.

until one day, when the father could no longer satisfy the child's needs, the child began to hate the father and finally stabbed the father who loved him most.

Yes, parents always give everything for their children in the hope that their children will achieve something when they grow up.

but the reality is that once love is out of line, children will neither grow up nor become successful.

Children will only become useless in the excessive indulgence of their parents, regardless of the good or the bad, and step by step into the abyss of evil.

as Professor Li Meijin said:

parents who refuse to let go will never be able to raise independent and excellent children. Educating children is a kind of continuous strength, and it is necessary to control the space of doting and discipline.

the wrong direction and way of education will only let the children knock us away.

03

Smart parents

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all know how to do a good job of "two regardless of three disagreements"

Juteby, a Jewish thinker, once said:

discipline within rules and let go outside rules.

first give the child enough sense of security, so that the child can have more courage to face the ups and downs of the future.

Professor Li Meijin once put forward the theory of "two do not care, three not used to it" for parents who are unwilling to let go, telling us how to achieve the real goal of educating their children:

1. No matter what children can do independently

Yang Jiang's father once said: "it is better to teach children to be independent than to be first."

the independence of children is not inborn, but needs parents to help their children develop gradually in life.

Children's self-awareness slowly begins to take shape at the age of 3, and smart parents should leave small things such as dressing, brushing their teeth, eating, and picking up toys to their children to do things on their own. virtually cultivate children's independent consciousness of "doing things on their own".

if parents do not help across the border and do not arrange everything, then children will not shirk their responsibilities as their parents' task.

2. No matter what children can bear

what children need is not only independence in life, but also parents need to cultivate their children's strong psychological resilience.

in the variety show "Mom is Superman", Xiaoyuer danced with bread by himself.I accidentally stumbled and fell.

while Hu Ke, the mother who was cooking, took a very calm glance to make sure that the child was not hurt, so she let Xiaoyuer get up by herself.

it is precisely because of her mother's "ruthlessness" that she raised a small fish who is not hypocritical, brave and lovely.

independently determines how far a child goes, while resilience determines how high a child can fly.

We are not to cultivate flowers in the greenhouse, but to let children experience the feeling of failure and frustration, understand the difficulty of success, understand the precious meaning of not giving up, and make children have stronger social core competitiveness.

3. Children do not respect others can not be used to

children's upbringing, is the best business card to make friends with foreign countries, uneducated children, will only make people stay away.

in a program, he asked Qi Wei, "what if the child wants something very much and he doesn't want to give it?"

Qi Wei talks about her parenting philosophy: she will communicate with children as adults.

my daughter once asked to wear Qi Wei's skirt, which was rejected by Qi Wei. Qi Wei also said: