Learning to shut up is a great EQ.

once upon a time, we always thought that the so-called high EQ was able to talk.

but many times, in a hurry to test, to promote, to judge, it is likely to be self-defeating, or even counterproductive.

sometimes silent, it is a kind of self-cultivation. Sometimes, silence is a kind of wisdom. Sometimes, it is more compassionate to keep silent.

01

do not ask

is a kind of respect

there are two hosts, which have always been loved by the audience.

once, when Yang Lan interviewed Lin Yifu, he asked him if he had fulfilled his father's expectations, but Lin Yifu suddenly burst into tears.

when Lin Yifu was young, a man came to the mainland from Taiwan. Because he was busy with his career, he missed his last meeting with his father on his deathbed, and this became an everlasting pain in his heart.

originally, Yang Lan could have taken advantage of the mood of the guests to push the conversation to its peak, which could not only satisfy the curiosity of the audience, but also create a good program effect.

but she knew that if asked again, the other person was likely to collapse, so she chose to remain silent.

when others feel sad, silent comfort is far more comfortable than vocal questioning.

Dong Qing interviewed Xu Jinglei in the Reader.

when they talked about grandma, Xu Jinglei choked up a little. It was obvious that grandma's position in her heart was not only important, but also the biggest weakness in her heart.

originally Dong Qing could have continued to ask questions and even created an emotional effect, but she sat quietly opposite Xu Jinglei without saying a word.

after Xu Jinglei calmed down for a while, she listened patiently to the other person to finish the whole story instead of rushing to ask questions.

when others are in pain, quiet company is far more comfortable than urgent cross-examination.

do you have this experience:

in life, there are always some people who tear open your scars under the guise of caring about you. There are always some people who pretend to sympathize with you and uncover your pain.

in fact, everyone has his own secret.

not all support and understanding should be spoken out, and not all comfort and understanding should be spoken out.

sometimes, learn to stop at the right time in order not to embarrass others. Sometimes, learn to shut up in time in order to avoid embarrassing others.

02

Silence

is a kind of understanding

there is an old saying: "if a man is short, never reveal it." If a person is selfish, don't say it. "

everyone has their own dilemma, everyone has their own privacy, we should learn to protect the self-esteem and dignity of others.

in A Dream of Red Mansions, Xue Baochai is very considerate.

in the 36th time, the sisters of Daguan Garden praised Shi Xiangyun's poems, so when she was excited, she offered to be the host and invited everyone to set up a crabapple club there.

at that time, everyone said yes, but only Xue Baochai neither agreed nor opposed it, and never said anything.

until the evening, Xue Baochai asked Shi Xiangyun to have a rest in her own Hengwu courtyard.

it was only when there was no third person around that

she said earnestly to Shi Xiangyun, "now that you only have a few hanging money a month is not enough for your own use, where are you going to find extra money to treat?"

on hearing this, Shi Xiangyun found it difficult to ride a tiger, so Xue Baochai helped her get several altars of wine, baskets of crabs and fruit plates from her brother to entertain everyone.

sometimes, one's affection for others is not to be publicized, but to quietly relieve worries and difficulties for others.

in the 40th time, when everyone drank and ordered, the mandarin duck said, "A word from the left." when Lin Daiyu was concerned, she immediately answered, "what a beautiful day."

at that time, Xue Baochai glanced at Lin Daiyu, but did not speak.

it turns out that this sentence is a sentence from the banned book the Story of the Western Chamber at that time. If Xue Baochai had exposed her on the spot, it was estimated that the consequences would have been very serious.

later, when Baochai "interrogated" Lin Daiyu alone, she earnestly advised in private that some miscellaneous books should not be peeked, and that it would be bad if they did not spoil their character.

Lin Daiyu answered the word "yes" convincingly.

sometimes, one does not want to boast about the righteousness of others, but only needs to care and admonish silently.

for many times, we always think that we have to make a lot of noise about being good to others.

but later I realized that real understanding is often quiet, they just quietly behind you, give you timely help and reminders.

03

not judging

is a kind of kindness

Nietzsche once said:

in life, there are many people and things, and it is not easy to judge right or wrong.

because we only float on the surface and are not in it, if you judge yourself, you may either distort the truth or lose your goodness.

in class, the professor told us a story.

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A cruise ship was shipwrecked and a couple on board finally came to the lifeboat with only one seat left. at this time, the man pushed the woman behind and jumped into the lifeboat.

the woman stood on the sinking ship and shouted a word to the man. At this point, the teacher asked the students, "guess what women will shout?"

the students were so angry that they all said, "I hate you. I'm blind!" At this time, the teacher noticed that a student had not spoken all the time and asked him a question.

the student said, "teacher, I think women will shout-- take care of our children!" The teacher was surprised and asked, "have you heard this story?"

the student shook his head: "No, but that's what my mother said to my father before she got sick and died!" The teacher said with emotion, "the answer is correct."

the ship sank and the man returned to his hometown and took his eldest daughter alone. Many years later, the man died of illness, and when the daughter was sorting out her belongings, she found her father's diary.

it turns out that when my father and mother were on a cruise ship, my mother was terminally ill. at the critical moment, my father rushed to that only chance.

he wrote in his diary: "how much I want to sink to the bottom of the sea with you, but I can't." For the sake of my daughter, I can only let you sleep at the bottom of the sea. "

there is a saying:

many times, we like to judge others easily.

when you don't know what others have been through, your judgment may lead to greater misunderstanding.

when you don't know the final truth of the matter, the conclusion you draw may do more harm to others.

04

Hemingway once said:

sometimes, it is a kind of respect not to ask questions in a hurry. Because you don't know what other people are going through.

sometimes, it is a kind of understanding not to speak out. Because you don't know what kind of trouble an open mouth will bring to others.

sometimes, not easy to evaluate, is a kind of kindness, because you do not know, behind the tip of the iceberg, what kind of helplessness and hardship hidden.

May you and I talk less than covet more for the rest of our lives. It is better not to speak than to talk nonsense. Better keep your mouth shut than lose your heart.