It turns out that this is the law of blame. I regret knowing it too late.

there is a psychological phenomenon called the law of accusation.

it says that when we blame others with one finger, don't forget that there are three fingers pointing at ourselves.

it is always easy to blame others, but it is difficult to reflect on yourself.

there is a good saying in Mencius: if you can't do it, you can't do it.

when you encounter problems, do not easily blame others, reflect on whether you have done anything wrong, and then correct yourself. This is the self-cultivation that a person should have.

01

the more incompetent people are, the more likely they are to blame others

someone on Zhihu asks: why do people always like to blame others?

among them, a high praise replied: because it is much easier to blame others for being incompetent than to blame yourself for being incompetent.

I think so.

I know a couple.

my husband is a salesman in a company. He is afraid of enduring hardships and is greedy for comfort. Instead of opening up new customers, he wants to maintain a few existing old customers.

as a result, in an epidemic this year, the orders of these old customers dropped sharply, and he became the last employee to be eliminated because he failed to meet the performance target.

the company asked him for an interview. He first complained about the economic downturn, then blamed the leader for not supporting his work, and finally came home in anger.

as soon as he entered the door, his wife was cooking in the kitchen, and the young children were sitting on the floor of the living room crying, with toys scattered all over the place.

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the husband rushed into the kitchen and began to scold his wife: "if you don't go to work day by day, how can you not even take care of a child?" Look at the mess in the house. It's really useless. "

after hearing this, my wife burst into tears. She had just cleaned up the living room, but in the twinkling of an eye, she was messed up by the children again. She had just brought the child all day and had just returned from shopping, dragging her tired body to work on dinner.

even if the hard work is not seen, it is also blamed by the husband for no reason.

what she doesn't know is that when the husband didn't do his job well, he took it out on his wife and let her pay for his incompetence.

there are many similar scenarios in life.

the incompetent boss in the company always scolds his subordinates best.

the man who does nothing in marriage likes to blame his wife for doing nothing.

there are also people who feel inferior to themselves and always feel that their friends are showing off when facing friends who are better than themselves, thus blaming their friends for being arrogant and unkind to themselves.

the more incompetent a person is, the more likely he is to blame others.

Laozi said: when Great Way is implemented, people are not to blame.

Don't blame a person easily. Sometimes, the root of the problem lies in yourself.

there is a story online.

A lady always complains that her neighbors are lazy, washing clothes are not clean, and there are spots on the clothes to dry.

until one day, her friend carefully found that there was a stain on her window. After the stain was wiped off, the lady looked at the woman's clothes opposite and everything was clean and white.

it turns out that what is dirty is not other people's clothes, but your own glass.

Wang Yangming said, don't talk about other people's rights and wrongs. Whenever you want to blame others, treat it as a great selfish desire and get rid of it.

A person, if he can't see the nature of things clearly, always accuses others in order to show his superiority. This is a fault and must be changed.

02

if you don't know the sufferings of others, don't easily blame

Lu Xun said that human joys and sorrows are not the same.

without the same experience, we can't perceive other people's emotions or make correct judgments.

Don't blame others casually if you don't know what others are suffering.

such a thing happened in a hospital in the United States.

A doctor rushed to the hospital as quickly as possible after receiving the operation call.

the anxious waiting man saw the doctor coming and shouted out of control, "Why are you here now?" Don't you know my son is in danger? You have no sense of responsibility at all! "

the doctor was not angry, but calmly told the man, "I'm sorry, I wasn't in the hospital just now. I came as soon as I got the call. Please calm down."

the man said relentlessly: "calm down, how can I be calm?" If your son is lying in the operating room, will you calm down? What would happen to you if your son died now? "

the doctor's face moved slightly, but he replied politely, "I will recite the Bible and pray for my son."  with that, he went into the operating room.

A few hours later, when the operation was successfully completed, the doctor came out and said to the man, "Thank God, your son has been saved!"

waiting for the man to reply, he left in a hurry and asked the man to go to the nurse if he had any problems.

the man thought the doctor was so arrogant that he complained to the nurse around him, but the nurse wept silently.

she said to the man, "yesterday, the doctor's son died in a traffic accident. When we called him to operate on your son, he was on his way to the funeral home. Now he has saved your son. To finish his son's funeral."

the man was silent after hearing this.

most of the time, we don't know what happened to others, so don't be self-righteous and censure based on your own preferences.

there are many things in the world that we don't know. To keep silent and not to blame easily is the best attitude.

in high school, a boy who transferred to another school became my deskmate.

he is silent and a loner, and surprisingly, he always wears a woman's gold earring in one ear.

At that time, his costume was big news, and his classmates laughed at him for being feminine and called him a pervert.

when the head teacher learned of this, he criticized us severely.

it turns out that the boy's mother died a long time ago, and this earring is the only thought his mother left him.

there are many things that we only know one but not the other. In that case, who are we to blame others?

learning to shut up about unclear things and make fewer malicious accusations is the most basic self-cultivation of a man.

03

for the sake of others, stop blaming

Kropotkin said in the Theory of Mutual Assistance: only biota with strong mutual aid can survive. For human beings, consideration for others is a prerequisite for mutual assistance.

there is a fable.

A pig, a sheep and a cow are kept in the same corral by the shepherd.

one day, the shepherd took the pig out of the corral, and the pig shouted loudly and struggled strongly.

sheep and cows hate the howling of pigs, so they scold the pig and complain that it is too loud and noisy.

they said to the pig, "We are often caught by shepherds, and we don't yell like you."

the pig replied, "catching you and catching me are two different things. The shepherd only takes your wool and milk, but taking me out is killing me!"

Sheep and cattle do not look at the problem from the standpoint of pigs. They do not know the fate of pigs being captured, which is completely different from them.

everyone has their own standpoint. They only focus on their own gains and losses, but forget to think of others.

the narrowness and arrogance of being a human being is that we always judge and even blame others with our own opinions and experiences.

as everyone knows, not all fish live in the same sea.

people's destinies and experiences are very different.

think of others before blaming them.

think more about the experiences of others and be more considerate of the difficulties and difficulties of others, so that we can be more tolerant and kind to others.

on a train, a drunken man walked on a rampage, crashing into a lot of passengers.

A little girl saw a drunk and asked her mother, is he a bad guy?

the mother told her daughter: no, he's just unhappy.

Mom sees herself in the past when she is drunk. She has also done things that hurt others because she was irritable, out of temper, drunk, and did harm to others.

A drunken man must have encountered an insurmountable ditch in his life, so he would drink to drown his sorrows and wander alone on the train.

so the mother chose to understand him and not to blame.

this is the result of thinking about others.

when we know how to look at things from a different point of view and think about things from each other's point of view, we will not complain easily and criticize casually.

you can only reap warmth by giving kindness.

04

to be kind to others is to be kind to yourself

reflect on yourself before blaming others.

people who are really capable will not take the time to criticize and belittle others.

do not criticize easily, we should do these two things:

first, learn to introspect.

if you have problems, first reflect on yourself, find more reasons from yourself, correct yourself, and make yourself a better person.

second, think of others.

even if we are right, we should not easily blame others. Try to think of others, be considerate of each other's difficulties and difficulties, and be more tolerant and understanding.

Don't forget that when we hold out our fingers to criticize others, we have three fingers pointing at ourselves.

blaming others hurts more than yourself.

Tagore was asked three questions: first, what is the easiest in the world? Second, what is the most difficult in the world? Third, what is the greatest in the world?

Tagore's answer is: it is easiest to blame others, the hardest to know yourself, and the greatest to love.

May you and I both have this understanding and self-cultivation, see yourself more clearly and blame others less.

gain a good interpersonal relationship with understanding and kindness.