I feel like a fucking walk-on right now.

I hope to be able to share our view of the world with college students

. When I received a phone call from Zhou Han in the early hours of the morning before school began, I guess he was very drunk. Because I can only piece together some of the basic messages he wants to convey in his illogical and unorganized words, such as being a dog every day, thankless, planning a case, and so on. I guess he was frustrated in the workplace, but I heard him clearly. "I feel like a fucking walk-on right now," he said.

I think of a movie we loved very much, King of Comedy, which we saw as a comedy when we were young.

this is the first scene of King of Comedy, the back of Yin Tianqiu, played by Zhou Xingchi, who, dressed in a dark green plaid suit, shouted to the sea: "work hard!" Struggle! " Because of this shot, I once thought it was an inspirational film, but is it inspirational? Nowadays, an inspirational film seen on a random turn of the TV station seems to be able to guess the end from the beginning, and small potatoes who have experienced hardships and hardships will always have their first day in the end. This does not seem to be the case with King of Comedy. No matter how cold and humiliated Yin Tianqiu was, no matter how hard he tried, he did not achieve much success in the end. At the end of the film, he set up the stage to perform the play "thunderstorm" at the neighborhood Welfare Association. Or it was because of the support of the star guests that it attracted people to watch it. Before that, his audience only had a younger sister under the age of 10.

"Cut! Extras are also actors

although you play passers-by

, they are also people with life and soul.

this is the second line of the movie. Yin Tianqiu is instructing extras to act. In fact, he is just an extra himself. Liu Piaopiao, a dancer played by Cecilia Cheung, pointed at him and said "dead walk-on" three times, and he stressed three times: "I am an actor." Finally he said, "even if you must ask me to be a walk-on, don't put a dead word in front of it."

before going to bed late at night, he lay in his humble bed watching Stanislavsky's "actor's self-cultivation". In terms of his situation, it was too ironic for him to play a priest who was shot on the set that day. He was insulted and kicked out of the set. When he went to get his reward (a box lunch), Wu Mengda's uncle dropped the box lunch on the ground and fed it to the dog. He laughed at Yin Tianqiu as a pile of shit and his life was lower than that of ants. At that time, Stephen Chow's expression was so amazing that it could be recorded in the annals of small potatoes' performance. He sneered awkwardly at first, then immediately took off his smiling face, hung his head, silently walked away, broke the bitterness and swallowed it into his stomach.

he went back to the neighborhood welfare club and called Aunt Xia, who was in charge of arranging the play for the walk-on. He called repeatedly in a few minutes, and in the middle of eating, he was determined to fight again in the mirror, no matter how scolded he was, no matter how bad he was scolded. In order to seek an opportunity to act, he could turn a blind eye to it. Without lines, he went back to the neighborhood welfare club. Call aunt Xia, who is in charge of arranging the play for the walk-on, fight repeatedly in a few minutes, hit half way through the meal, and make up your mind to fight again in the mirror, no matter how scolded and how bad the scolding is, you can turn a blind eye to the opportunity to act, even if you don't have lines, or if you don't show your face. And after so many things at night, he is still studying what is an actor's self-cultivation, others laugh at me as a dead-end walk-on, only I insist that I am an actor.

I remember that I used to be driven away by security guards by sending flyers and doing questionnaires by small vendors. Every time I was rejected, I would ask myself why I did all this. I thought about giving up, but when I thought about what I was going to do with these rewards, I made up my mind secretly and went to the next object.

sometimes I think that just to survive, you need to lower your dignity, let alone pursue what you like in your heart. You must always be prepared and have the courage to put your dignity very low. You may think that I am really spineless, but to tell you the truth, I am willing to be spineless for a lot of things.

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in the film, Zhou Xingchi acted as a walk-on for the second time, playing a dead body with no dialogue, no face, and a pool of mud on her face. Sister Juan, played by Karen Mok, was scared out of her wits when she met a cockroach. When everyone came forward to help, he stepped on Zhou Xingchi several times, but he didn't react. Sister Juanjie always said that if you are looking for a walk-on, you should also find some professionals. And when she encounters a cockroach, she puts aside the play and compares it with Zhou Xingchi who is trampled to death and does not move. Which is called professional? Sister Juanjie asked him, "Why are you still not moved when you are stepped on?" He said: "because the director did not call card, I am still a dead body, the dead body can not move."

Yin Tianqiu could have soared up, and he has been appreciated by the queen of the movie. as long as he is obedient, brown-nosing, fame and wealth follow, he may still be able to change from a walk-on into a shadow emperor, but he did not do so. He remembers that he shouted to Liu Piaopiao at the seaside: I'll raise you. This reminds me of Li Xiang, a gorgeous office worker, who can choose to flatter the female president (Zhang Aijia) like Wang Dawei played by Eason Chan. He is a little smart and can go to bed. But he didn't, and because he didn't, when Wang Dawei and President Chen were kicked out, he was able to pass the three-month internship. After watching the whole film, I only remember one sentence, that is, his self-introduction. He said, "my name is Lee Xiang, Lee's dream."

Yin Tianqiu is not a good actor, but you can't deny that he is a serious actor, nor can you deny that he is an actor with a dream. The word dream is always disliked and hypocritical in our impetuous society, and they even coined a term called "dream bitch". But what, those who have dreams are bitches? And because you don't have the ability to realize it, those who don't dare to mention it or even fear being despised won't be bitches?

to tell you the truth, persistence is really not the same as seeing results, so you have to tell yourself cruelly.No matter how hard you keep trying, there's a good chance you'll be an ordinary person for the rest of your life. It's just that I think that once a walk-on is dedicated enough, he is an actor; once ordinary people are careful enough, he deserves to be respected.

whether we admit it or not, most of the time we are a walk-on. When I was in kindergarten, there was a grand finale dance in the Children's Day evening. At that time, the standard for choosing people was: talented and beautiful. I couldn't dance, and I wasn't pretty, so I lost the election naturally. Later, it was a child who could not get on temporarily, so it was only then that he put me on top of this backup. This is a star-studded dance, wearing a white gauze skirt, we run around a beautiful woman in a red gauze skirt. I didn't have enough talent, so I worked hard to put it together. I had to practice more than a dozen times a day to catch up with others. At noon on the day he played, he was scalded by a pressure cooker that had just been taken off the fire in the kitchen. His arms festered and blistered, and he bit a towel and carried it to death. Before playing in the evening, in the chaotic backstage, a male classmate patted my arm jokingly as usual, and the wound seemed to catch fire and burst into tears. Still played, even though I know that my role is not important, there is no sense of existence, really no one will pay attention to, still have to play. In today's words, I want to say, I am an actor, even if I play a dead body is trampled, I will still play, when I was 6 years old.

from that year to today, the mode of my life is probably like this. It is not important, has no sense of existence, is not talented enough, has no specialty, and cannot be found if it is thrown into the crowd. It will always be a backup, always a candidate, and occasionally it will be thought that he is really bored and cannot find anyone to accompany him. I'm not selling badly. I don't lose my personality just because no one cares about me. I don't bow my head just because no one cares about me. I don't prefer not to eat and order takeout in my dorm just because no one cares. I will take everyone and every job seriously. I will do unpaid work because I like it. No matter how I spell it, I won't get the best model worker award.

many people think that King of Comedy is a romantic film, moved by the sentence "I raise you" that Sing Yeh said to Cecilia Cheung, but in fact, I love it because it is realistic enough. What touches me most is that Wu Mengda pointed to Zhou Xingchi and said, "shit, you are a pile of shit."

Yin Tianqiu lives humbly, so he will give her money after spending the night with the dancer Liu Piao. in fact, the money and the actor's self-cultivation are all he has, and he gives it all to her. Liu Piaopiao lives humbly, so she will be beaten black and blue by Johns in order to defend her love with Yin Tianqiu. I live humbly with Zhou Han, so when we do something, we will do everything day and night, and if we love someone, we will work hard to love everything.

Why? Because there are very few things, and those things are not easy to get, as if you don't hold on to it today, it will be lost tomorrow. So everything is very important, everything is cherished, everything should be taken seriously, even if someone will point at you and say, just that little stupid thing, you still regard it as a treasure and have never seen the world. But he is really important to me!

when I was in my first year of senior high school, he asked me to take care of all his social tools and change his password. In the early morning of a month before the college entrance examination, when I was staying, I received a text message in the middle of the night. He said that he was not leaving and that he could not hold on any longer. He told me that the college entrance examination would eat people. He may not have thought that this sentence had such a profound impact on me that I would be in a low pressure until I thought of me before graduation. But Zhou Han, look, I came here, didn't I? So Zhou Han, the college entrance examination will not eat people, the society will not eat people, it is just how you choose. The other day I told him, "the passwords of all your social tools are keep going."

later, Zhou Han gave up the college entrance examination to become Beijing drifters. He slept at a construction site in Beijing, moved freight, and survived after eating instant noodles for seven days at his worst. That year, he told me that it was better to join the company and look like a dog. As a result, we lost contact for a year. A year later, he had already joined a company and was promoted to a level or two, but there were times when he could not stand firm in the rules of the workplace. There will also be times when people don't want to fight in the dead of night.

I never tell Zhou Han that if you can't hold up, just come back. There is heavy snow in the north and the sun is sunny in the south. I always told him that even if you were a walk-on, I wouldn't put a dead word in front of it. I always maliciously gave him all kinds of chicken soup, which was so nutritious that he dared not admit defeat casually.

Granny Zhou Han passed away shortly after I went to college. He went back to Guangdong for the funeral, cremated that night, and drove to the seaside. At that time, everyone was worried, depressed, and there were bottlenecks in each other's lives, and they all seemed insurmountable. We even thought tacitly that a few more steps forward would be the end of a happy life, but when the thought flashed by, there were a few bright lights on the surface of the sea that was as black as an ink box. "what is that?" I don't know if I'm asking him or talking to myself. "Lighthouse," he said.

I haven't seen the King of Comedy for many years. Recently, I want to write again. I read it three times. When I saw the night play at the seaside for the third time, I thought I was familiar with it. I actually heard this line in tears.

I took a screenshot of it to Zhou Han, and this time the chicken soup was not spilled, only two words were sent: lighthouse.

Thank you for not treating me as a walk-on.

finish reading the 3500 + I wrote late into the night.