At the age of 65, Chen Daoming became popular again: a person is really strong, starting from being a loner.

there is a question on Zhihu: why are the better people, the less sociable they are?

A high praise replied:

as the saying goes:

Lions and tigers are all solitary, and only foxes and dogs are in groups.

01

people, the lonelier they are, the better they are

recently, the TV series "Golden years" became popular again, making 65-year-old Chen Daoming popular again and again.

some people say that although he has appeared on TV less and less in recent years, as long as you see him, you can know what the acting skills are really honed with the years.

he is not so much acting as he is already integrated with the character.

Ye Jinyan, who is played by him in the play, said a sentence when talking to his partners:

"idealists are sometimes very lonely.

M á rquez has a saying that before loneliness, you may be confused, and after loneliness, you grow up.

Let's grow together. "

in fact, this sentence is also a portrayal of Chen Daoming himself. Although he is in the profit-loving show business, he prefers the serenity of solitude.

now everyone wants to squeeze into the Vanity Fair, but in his opinion, solitude is the true virtue.

when alone, self-purification, self-discipline, quiet thinking, even if one day you know that you are nothing, you can still be happy.

people often say that "the world is full of fawning bones, only you are the same", which is probably the most appropriate label for Chen Daoming.

apart from his work, he spends most of his time on art and books, lightening the burden on his soul and enriching his mind.

Reading, playing the piano, practicing calligraphy, painting, and sometimes doing handicrafts with his wife, feel the quiet years, but also improve their literary literacy.

Old Mr. Ji Xianlin, a leading figure in the literary world, once commented that Chen Daoming's literary level is competent for graduate students at Peking University.

the more powerful people are, the more quiet they are, and the more outstanding people are, the more they can grow up in the process of enjoying loneliness.

Zhou Guoping said: those who are bored are self-disgusted, those who are lonely are self-pity, and those who are lonely are self-sufficient.

standing in the ever-changing times, those who learn to be alone can have freedom and control their thoughts from being influenced by others.

Ding Junhui, known as the "child prodigy of snooker", is also a loner. He began to practice at the age of 8 and won the world championship at the age of 15.

many people only know these halos, but they don't know that he gave up his entertainment time to practice and used to spend the whole year alone in the practice room.

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other children feel that he is a loner, and only he knows that when he is working hard, he is not a loner, but is doing what he wants to do.

loneliness is not the isolation of personality, but the independence of spirit.

02

after the age of 40, you don't have to invite too many people into your life

what is freedom?

actress Chen Jin hit the nail on the head:

"people are always lonely, no matter you have a family or children, a person always gets along with himself all his life.

Freedom is when you stand alone, with no attachment, no fear, and some things that no one else can help you, only yourself. "

We often think that as long as we have enough friends, we are not alone.

but the reality is often that in the changing years, fake friendship makes life so crowded that true friends can hardly let go.

at the family reunion not long ago, I met an elder I hadn't seen for years, and I learned a lot after a conversation.

talking about growing up, my elders told me:

when he was young, he made a lot of money in business, so he felt that he should expand his social circle and get to know more upper-class people.

Dinner attended one after another, and participated in the event again and again. Wechat added hundreds of people.

but he never thought that his true-tempered friend would "stumble over himself" in business one day, and a good friend who believed in it helped the hostile company at the critical moment.

there are countless people who add icing on the cake, and there are very few people who give help in the snow.

there is a point that is quite true:

one of the signs of maturity is to understand that 99% of what happens to yourself is meaningless to others.

this 50-year-old man, now when it comes to making friends, he smiles and says, "it's enough to meet 1% of people who understand you in your life."

I can't help thinking of Ding Hui in the variety show "fascinating offer". He was busy working in a law firm during the day. When he came home at night, he remembered that it was his 29th birthday when he saw the cake from his girlfriend.

Ding Hui's sentence: "No one remembers my birthday, but you remember, it's really touching." Poked a lot of people's tears.

people's energy is limited. After the age of 40, there is no need to invite too many people into life. Precious time should be reserved for those who really love themselves.

as the writer Su Ling wrote:

I would rather be alone than against my will; I would rather regret than make do with it.

03

for the rest of her life, being a lonely person

Professor Chen Guo of Fudan talked about a former classmate during a lecture.

this classmate is very special. He often walks out of school alone after class, takes a random bus and takes a book to record the scenery along the way.

shops, repair shops, stations, etc., the most ordinary things are beautiful in his eyes.

after a few years of college, he has long remembered the streets he passed by.

later, he willWhat I have seen and heard is recorded in a book, and I take it out in my spare time to have a look, which adds a lot of color to life.

some people say that being alone often feels dull and unbearable.

but if your heart is rich and filled with more new things, how can you feel lonely?

four years ago, the famous photographer Yuriko Takagi came across a natural mountain forest that she liked very much, so she began to study decoration theory, take a driver's license, and then moved into the mountains alone.

she bought a house in the mountains, decorated it in her favorite style, and cooked it slowly between spring and autumn.

65-year-old, speaking of the days of living alone, she said:

when people reach middle age, it is a process of constant reconciliation with themselves, abandoning the depression brought about by loneliness and approaching a deeper level of freedom.

because true peace is not to avoid the hustle and bustle of cars and horses, but to build hedges and plant chrysanthemums in your heart.

when you are alone, there are many things you can do:

watch a documentary, read a good book, find the meaning of life and experience the joy of being alone;

learn food or craftsmanship and acquire new skills to enrich;

summarize the past, make plans for the future, and make people understand themselves.

while doing a thorough cleaning and cleaning the room, you are also cleaning up your negative emotions.

whatever you do, don't forget:

be a lonely but not lonely person and let your heart live in a wide world.

04

Zhou Guoping wrote about the three states of loneliness in "solitude is an ability":

first, panic, confusion, and escape from loneliness;

second, getting used to loneliness, establishing the order of life, expelling loneliness with reading and writing, etc.

third, loneliness itself has become a piece of poetic soil, which induces deep thinking and experience about life and self.

from now on, learn to be alone, leave a blank to life, and you will find that this soil will bear sweet fruit.

come and go alone, there is also considerable scenery; a person's long flow of water is also Qinghuan.